This Ship Will (Not) Sail
by RickHammersteel
Summary: A bunch of random short things for Singles Awareness Day. This is also where I pick on Jaune.


**Parte 1: Ruby**

Jaune leaned over the fountain in the middle of the city, staring at the stars above,"I made it, Pyrrha." He looked down at his hand and sighed,"I kind of wish you were to see me work. I've been getting better all the time, you know." He shook his head,"It's been hard without you though, you were... my best friend, and, if you were here now, I'd tell you I love you."

"Jaune?" a familiar voice came from behind. Walking next to him was Ruby Rose. She turned to face him and gave a heavy sigh,"I miss her too."

Jaune looked deep into her eyes, before looking away,"I wonder if she's proud of me right now."

"I know." Ruby walked in closer to him,"But, Jaune, there's something you need to realize."

"What? If it's about the scroll video, I... I can't just stop watching, Ruby."Jaune's eyes began to water,"It's the only way I can hear her voice."

Ruby placed a hand on his,"Jaune, you can't just keep watching the same video over and over and expect to get better." She looked up at him,"It's okay to keep a memento of her voice, but listening to it several times isn't very healthy. I think..."

"You think that... maybe I should try to move on, to someone else?" Jaune leaned forward.

Ruby gave a soft smile,"Like me." She gave him a quick peck on the lips.

Jaune stepped back,"But what if Yang kills me?"

"She's super depressed right now, she's not going to notice..." Ruby trailed off, beginning to stare behind Jaune.

Jaune watched as Ruby's mouth went agape,"Ruby?" He stepped back, hitting something. He felt behind him,"Nora, did you get bigger muscles?" He slowly turned and stared into the red-eyed face of Yang Xiao Long."Oh." He held a neutral expression as he turned back to Ruby,"Welp, at least I get to meet Pyrrha again." Yang's metal arm gripped his hoodie,"Eep." He squeaked.

 **Parte Dos: Weiss**

Jaune stared at the woman he had not seen in months. There was something about the blue dress she wore that seemed to make her more beautiful than the last time he saw her. He bit his lip as Weiss stood up closer to him.

"Jaune..." Weiss sighed,"Tell me... if I were no longer an heiress, would you still have a crush on me?"

Jaune blinked,"Well, of course, but I'm still kind of trying to get over Pyrrha, so..." Then he felt Weiss give him a big kiss on the lips,"Hey now!"

Weiss smiled,"Maybe there is some room for us after all." She looked up,"Winter?"

"That is a season, yes." Jaune said with a frown. Then he felt a breath down his neck. He turned and saw Winter Schnee glaring at him,"You must be Weiss' sister. Hi?" He weakly waved at her.

Winter growled, pulling up a piece of paper,"If you are going to smack lips with my baby sister, then you'd better be prepared to go through the proper paperwork!"

"Paperwork!? Weiss, this is-" He turned to see Ruby hugging Weiss tightly.

"Bestie!" Ruby snuggled up to her partner, before carrying her off.

 **Parte the Third: Blake.**

Jaune looked over from the table, watching as Blake picked out a book. He got up, and was about to talk to her when a certain monkey faunus grabbed him from behind and turned him around.

"No, I can't let you continue this sketch, Jaune!" Sun said with wild eyes,"Trust me, courting her is courting death!"

"Oh, come on, she's not that bad." Jaune rolled his eyes.

"Listen, man, it's not her you need to worry about! It's..." Sun gulped,"The Mountain."

"The Mountain?" Jaune blinked.

"If you even think of going near her, her father, a proverbial gorilla- actually, he might be a gorilla faunus now that I think about it- would eat you alive!" Sun said, holding him close,"I can't let you die, not like that!" he caressed the back of Jaune's head.

Jaune gasped in his grip,"Man, it is true what they say about your abs..." He choked, looking down.

 **Parte Quatre: Yang**

Jaune sighed as he went into his room,"Man, it's been a long day. My back's so sore..."

"I could help with that." the door slammed, causing Jaune to turn in shock, seeing Yang in front of him, dressed in her really badass long coat.

"Y-Yang!?" Jaune stepped back in shock.

"Hey there, Vomit-Boy." Yang slowly stepped towards him, her face curling into a long smile,"It's been a while..."

"What are you doing here?" Jaune stepped back into the wall.

"Oh, you see, I've been cooped up in my house with only my Dad to keep me company, so I'm feeling," Yang slammed her palms on the wall next to Jaune,"Frustrated!" Her eyes went red,"And you, Jaune, are single now. That makes you fair game."

"Wait, wha-" Jaune gasped, before screaming in terror.

* * *

Ruby walked by Jaune's door, only to hear moans and groans coming from it. Ruby blinked, hearing Jaune's voice,

"Oh... oh you are a natural. So good with your hands." Jaune moaned.

"I know. Give me a minute, and I'll show you some neat tricks..." Yang's voice said.

"Yang!?" Ruby had a big grin on her face as she threw open the door, seeing...

...

Jaune laying shirtless on his belly, with Yang rubbing his back.

"Oh, hey sis, do you want a message?" Yang said with a grin.

 **Parte May: Nora**

Jaune groaned in annoyance,"Can you two please keep it down?" He shouted to the two making out behind him.

Nora moaned in pleasure as Ren stuck his tongue in her mouth,"But Jaune, it feels so good..."

Jaune turned to them,"Well, it's making us single people feel kinda left out."

Nora smirked as Ren kissed her neck,"Well, you could always join~"

Jaune thought for a moment,"Give me a minute..."

 **Parte Six: Pyrrha?**

Jaune laid on his side, muttering to himself,"What did I do to the author to deserve all of this?" He thought to himself,"This just makes me miss her all the more." Then he heard the window open. He got up and saw, to his shock, a certain red-haired girl coming through,"Pyrrha?"

Pyrrha turned to him and smiled, walking slowly towards him.

"No, you can't be, I mean," He got up and took her in his arms,"Oh, I don't care if this is a dream, I've always wished for something like this!" He gave her a deep kiss,"Wait, you don't taste like Pyrrha..." He pulled back, noticing that Pyrrha's once green eyes had become heterochromatic, one black, and one whitish-pink,"What in the-?" He felt himself be pushed down to the bed.

Neo held his wrists down, before taking a finger and shushing him.

"I will scream, thank-" He was silenced by an umbrella to his neck,"Eep!" He squeaked.

Neo pushed herself up, ready for a night of sheer bliss, for her at least. She began to remove her top, before a crash came from the door.

"Neo!" Yang uncocked her Ember Celica.

Neo looked back at her, and frowned, before leaping back through the window.

Yang ran to Jaune,"You okay?"

Jaune panted as he got up,"Yeah, that was just-" He stopped as Yang gripped his shoulders.

"Good, because if anyone's going to steal your virginity, it's going to be me." Yang had an evil smile.

"Wait, you don't-" Jaune was interrupted by the sound of Gambol Shroud smacking Yang upside the head.

Blake stared at him,"Now, I get to take what's mine." She pulled out a pair of fuzzy handcuffs.

"No!" Sun came in from the door and pulled Blake away,"I'll save you Jaune, Ghira won't take another man's life!" He ran down the hall.

Jaune sighed as he dusted himself off. Then a glyph appeared under his feet,"Seriously?" He rolled his eyes as Weiss jumped on him.

"You're mine!" Weiss held Myrtenaster to his throat,"I too have been frustrated by isolation!" she moved the blade to his pants. Then a scythe came from behind her and threw her off.

Ruby panted,"Sorry Jaune, things have been getting wild around here."

"Please tell me you're not going to try and take my virginity." Jaune whimpered.

"Oh, no, I'm just here to pick up my friends." Ruby leaned down and began to drag the two bodies out.

Jaune gave a sigh of relief, only for him to feel a breath down his neck. He turned slowly and stared into the single eye of Cinder Fall,"Aw, son of a bitch." he whispered as a hand gripped his hoodie.

 **Epilogue: Qrow**

"So, all of those were pretty weird dreams." Jaune said, leaning back in his chair.

"Uh-huh." Qrow took a large drink.

"Lucky dog. I keep having dreams about my entire team... " Neptune frowned, leaning back, his goggles hanging limply from his head.

"And you told me all of this because?" Qrow asked.

"I wanted to know if they were all telling me something..." Jaune looked back at him.

"Well, I'm no dream expert, but that probably means you should stop binging on Mistrali pizzas at night." Qrow took another drink.

"And why are you here, Neptune?" Jaune asked.

"... I'm lonely." Neptune pouted.

 **Bonus Parte: Ren**

Jaune smiled towards the man on his left,"Ren, I... I think..."

Ren turned to look at him expectantly.

"I really think in the time we've spent together, I..." He leaned in closer, and brought his hand up to Ren's face,"I..."

"Stop, I love you too, you hunk of a man." Ren began caressing Jaune's back as he kissed him.

Nora sat on the bed across from them, recording it with her tongue out,"Yes... yes..."

Blake sat next to her, scribbling in her notes,"Yes... yes..."


End file.
